Recently I contributed a post at Easy Peasy Kids for my friend Nathalie, on people’s perceptions (and comments) regarding ages of siblings. Following on from that I thought I’d share a more personal view as the mother of a boy and girl with a few years between them.

Our boy Mr14, was born in late 1999. Within a week of our first anniversary, his arrival on the scene was fairly hasty; he’d chosen his timing and there was no negotiation. I was still in my twenties and a good thing too- as it became quickly evident a great deal of youthful vigour was required for his care. Mr Twister was only one of our nicknames for this non-stop bundle of physicality; a fidget, a climber and a daredevil was he.

Though it was crazy for us we just had to make do. My husband travelled extensively at this time and was overseas on a regular basis. There was little we could do about that either. A less-than-ideal course was set and this is how our little family began.

When my boy was about three, I knew having two youngsters in our circumstances wouldn’t be manageable- certainly not for long stretches on my own. Besides, any future babe-in-arms was in danger of being dropped on its head as I sprinted after the danger-magnet brother. It would be another two years before our suspicions were confirmed that our boy’s brand of energy was beyond the ordinary. The more physically adept and ambitious he became, the more nerve-wracking it was.

We agreed he’d have to be headed for school before we could invite another visit from the Stork. A few other difficult factors came into play and before I knew it my boy was five. This is when I started to worry. I didn’t just worry, I fretted. My boy was to start school. How much more time could pass before “the gap” became too wide? I felt sad and guilty. Not just for him but for me and any future child getting further and further behind. At times I was desperate, sleepless and teary. Not helping were questions and comments from people, such as “why would we make him an only child?”  I mean, how did they get to decide that?

Then, as her older brother prepared to begin Grade 2, in January 2007 our baby girl arrived. There were seven years, two months between them. Though ecstatic to have my “pigeon pair” (“But we don’t even HAVE any birds, Mummy!”) I still had my concerns. Would they grow together? Would they relate to one another? Could they ever be close?

A friend of mine with seven years between she and her sister said it was really nothing and I wanted to believe her, as she was the younger. An acquaintance with seven siblings said age has nothing to do with dynamics anywhere near as much as personality. He was closest with one brother, with whom there were five siblings between. I wanted to believe him too.

Now I can tell you this: if there is one thing I regret, it is all the time I spent worrying so much. My two (especially being an older brother with a younger sister), have far less of a “gap” than you would imagine. It comes together so quickly! She is a switched-on little firecracker gaining on her brother all the time. Girls seem to do that. Both my friends were right. It is not age, it is who they are. (Unlike his sister, my boy still enjoys solitude.) Even so, the seven years is simply not an issue. In fact, given who they both are I’d go so far as to say it’s perfect. I was able to enjoy each baby at a time, without the stress of both in nappies, on conflicting schedules.

My two are close and affectionate, love each other and bicker with as much intensity as any brother and sister can. I have a darling friend with ten years between her two and they have as beautiful and close a relationship as any siblings I’ve seen.

My advice to anyone in a similar position of worry, is to take heart and ease up on yourself. Most of us are just accustomed to siblings born closer together. That doesn’t mean it’s the only way it can work.

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