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There Is Always Art

by Twitchy Corner on August 19, 2014

You know those mornings you wake up and the Fuck You Bird is already singing?

“Those” mornings. The ones that don’t behave, you can’t put a foot right and just want to go back and start over? Yeah, those.

Last week was all about sick kids so I’ve been keen to get them back into routine. I too woke up queasy (but that’s only because we watched a graphic ep of Breaking Bad last night and I have the insides of a frilly pink girl).

As we pulled into the two-minute “Kiss and Go” zone at school Miss 7 pulled a last minute refusal. The kid who mucked up long after bedtime, gaily blasting showtunes from her bed like an unapologetic drunkard suddenly had a “sore tummy” and needed a “sleep-in”. (Hangover?)

We’ve just made some progress on wrenching school-morning separation anxiety, our teacher gently suggesting some tougher love. So I got out of the car, calmly hugged and reassured her, turned to make my leave. With time up and traffic banking, my girl clutched her abdomen with crossed arms and a crumpling face and cried out “BUT MY TUMMY HURTS! I’M TOO SICK FOR SCHOOL!”

Scanning for confounded, photo-snapping council officers, never mind onlookers, it was hard to think clearly. I urged my girl to go inside as she protested. Feeling like the worst mother ever, I drove off around the corner, not daring to look back. Sometimes I doubt I have the stones for this gig!

I was about to hotfoot it back but the wiser option was to phone. The Assistant Principal counselled me, checked in on the class, assured me my girl was already fine and that I’d done the right thing. I’d needed to hear that; a history of ASD parenting predisposes one to high sensitivity in these matters. Hooray for professional guidance and support!

Off home now for my coffee reward, where favoured vintage cups are a comfort…but too soon…SMASH!

Farewell treasured 50′s cup, with your curvaceous lines, petite base and glossy Pink Cocoa insides…

My husband ran in to find me standing somewhat mesmerised over the accident site.
“Why aren’t you wiping it up?”
“Oh…because despite my sads I’m loving the splash I just made.”

Wherever possible, all pain should be converted into some form of art don’t you think? At the very least, blogged?

image Your faithful service has been honoured, Pink Cocoa.

New café in hand, I hopped on the dying laptop to see- hold me! – I’d lost a Facebook Page Liker. (Pourquoi so cruel, world?)  

image And this afternoon, guess who greeted me at the school gate, all smiles?
“How was your day, Moopop?”

Well- tomorrow is always another day (with a morning in it) right? Please dog, let it not be one of “those“?


Ass Buckle

by Twitchy Corner on August 12, 2014

Ever wished you could just change buttocks whenever it took your fancy?

Well why the heck not- we want everything nowadays. Why be stuck with what your mama gave you when you could have a full suite of sweet arse?

You’d have a brand new bottom collection in your wardrobe and accessorise according to outfit or whim. Just like hats. Arse hats.

Demure and petite, The Kylie. Up high and perky? The Ballerina. Manliest in Levis? The Boss. Finally get that derriere you’ve dreamed of. You “like big butts and you cannot lie”? Buy some Back to Stack. Or a Kimmy K.

Fellas: concerned about a flat, lacklustre behind? Make a statement. Here we have The Gluteman, aka Buns of Steel. Get your desired piece of ass.

But how would you attach them? How could you feel secure? What happens in the case of an unfortunate LMAO incident? (Anyone who’s laughed their ass right off knows just how embarrassing and inconvenient this can be.)

Don’t worry, it’s doesn’t have to be expensive; in fact you can even economise. I only found these today in a thrift shop and felt it my duty to share:


And at only $2, a bargain.


Uncookery: Jaffle Weather Edition (Time for Toasties)

August 5, 2014

Hibernation season is well and truly here. I took a nap and forgot to blog for a month. When I woke it was freezing…and I was hungry. My intro to a long overdue Twitchycorner Uncookery post! For those of you unfamiliar, Uncookery refers to food-based posts completely devoid of flair but full of ideas for […]

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Heaven Holds a Place

July 8, 2014

Sometimes oldest friends are the best. The ones who knew us before we became who we are now. There at the best and worst of times, the thick and thin. The dear ones we pick up with again like no time has passed at all, thumbing our noses at the truth. There’s that laugh, that […]

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Lego Ideas and MyKids Emporium

June 10, 2014

Not a sponsored post but please see disclaimer below. Mr 14 has always been a huge fan of trains and Lego. Recently we introduced him to the Back to the Future trilogy and before the credits rolled on the first movie he was off to build a Delorean time machine! When he was just a little […]

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EWF14: Mixtape Memoirs

June 6, 2014

Attending consecutive days of a writing festival, family life and packing for a house move surely don’t mix. I knew this but all the same I’d rather share festival highlights than focus on loco logistics. Starting with the most recent and working backwards. (To the best of my underslept, addled memory.) Wednesday night was Mixtape […]

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Emerging Writers’ Festival 2014 #EWF14

May 31, 2014

I’m in full throttle of the festival and it’s been very educational. The schedule has been fairly relentless, which apart from being quite a lot to take in and note, means blogging it so far has been quite the challenge. (This very post comes to you via smartphone, hope it looks alright as I’m already employing […]

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Big News At TwitchyCorner HQ…

May 27, 2014

So much is going on this week and the next few, I’m in danger of having my head fly right off. So here’s a little update… please keep an eye on my grasp on reality over the coming days? Thanks. 1. WE GAVE NOTICE AT OUR RENTAL AND WILL HAVE TO MOVE IN THE NEXT […]

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Back to the 80’s Movies

May 20, 2014

We have the classic tradition of Friday night pizza and family movie night at our house. Usually it’s an animated flick but recently I decided we were ready to branch out and (re)visit some classic 80’s action/adventure favourites. Spielberg was all up in that business. Mr 14: Why does everything have to be 80’s? Me: […]

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Sparkly Mother’s Day Weekend

May 13, 2014

This weekend was full of colour and sparkle. Today I’ll spare you the family feastings and concentrate on just the things my girl and I did together. But first, here’s the patchwork style dress I bought and decided to wear to the Sunday eat-a-thon festivities. It’s new but my mother did ask me if it […]

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