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OMGWTF Week Part 3: The Final Instalment Wednesday, Thursday, Friday

by Twitchy on March 23, 2012

Last month, I endured the Monday to Friday from hell while solo-parenting and resuming the school year at two new schools. It featured stress, blood, surgery, pestilence, violence, The Landlord, Boris the Builder, a runaway rabbit, insomnia and tears. The kind of tough time you have that you just HOPE one day will be amusing if you survive it. For you, I offer up this particularly reeking slice of my life as entertainment. If not- why on Earth did I have to go through it then?!

Already covered: the frightful Monday, the unfit-for-human-consumption Tuesday and now I shall fill you in on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Thursday was my favourite, because the hell week finally provided some amusement my way!

Karmic Bunny: “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.”
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Wednesday 8th:
Due to Mr12’s stitches the day before, he was home recuperating. Due to Miss5 being home on Wednesdays in February, I had her also. They sat together on the couch, awaiting their breakfast in front of the cartoons. Cosy, right? (Apart from the wailing the boy was making about heel pain, due to the anaesthetic wearing off and the fact that he did not once since the surgery follow firm and repeated instruction to elevate or stay off it at all. (FFS.) I threw drugs at that.

While making said breakfast with six different things on the go, I realise I forgot to let the dog out. I opened the laundry door to a giant geriatric dog butt explosion. Her poor back end is covered in it. I didn’t know what to deal with first. I hadn’t even had my blessed coffee yet. But before I could decide, fighting and screams broke out from the family room. FFS.

Miss5, jealous of her brother’s new crutches had decided to hit him with them. Yay. Bless them- children do make you feel alive, don’t they?

Thursday 9th:
Conspicuously uneventful start. Had I been spared? But at 10am, the doorbell. I open the door to find Boris the Builder standing there, ears smoking.

This is the guy whose noise and early starts we’ve suffered 6 days a week for months, as he stacked THREE, double-storey units next door. Whose workers rang our bell in the early morning asking if they could plug into OUR power because he hadn’t set up his own yet. Who many times cranked up a deafening compressor near our bedroom windows at 6.45am. Who demolished an asbestos-sheet bungalow right near my fully-laden lemon tree without notice. Whose building alarm goes off randomly near our sleeping heads at 3am and when called about it responds carelessly: “Ok. What do you want me to do about it now?”(FFS!)

Under Boris’s right arm, bagpipe style, was Wilson- the gentle, floppy-eared children’s bunny from kindergarten. (Huh? After 7 weeks with us over Summer he’d now gotten out? A first.)
Now imagine the following spoken with seething restraint, in a Russian accent:…)
“Is this yours? I found it eating my plants!! And it bites hard!!”
He offered up for my viewing pleasure his left inner forearm. Two deep, purple pincer marks adorned it. I could NOT believe it. Another first. (Mental fistpump.)

I desperately wanted to retort: “Ok. What do you want me to do about it now?” and bat my eyelids but controlled myself. Instead I said “Oh? He’s never done that before.” And “Thank you”. No apologies. I did not know what else to say because I was trying with ALL MY HUMAN STRENGTH not to spit out laughing in his incredulous face. But before I closed the door I did add that he was a children’s rabbit from the kindergarten, and that he’s never bitten anyone before.

After I closed the door I cackled myself stupid and told the rabbit how clever he was to pick that human to bite. Too delicious a gift.

After months of brain-splitting noise, rudeness and rude awakenings with precious nothing to be done about it, Boris had invoked the Karma of the Bunny. Too. Perfect. A weight of resentment had lifted. Thank you Karmic Bunny- my outlook’s sunnier now. Also, my Frequent Flying husband returned. (*Slumps with relief*)

Friday 10th:
The girl was very excited to see Daddy and he’d promised both me and Miss5 that he’d take her in to her new school. (Right after I explained where it was and how to get there- these home readjustments after long work trips are never simple.)

With five minutes before they were due to leave, his phone rang and out of sheer habit he made the fatal mistake of answering. Despite my maniacal gesticulations and pointing to my wrist, he was well stuck on the phone. Daggers!! FFS.

No choice then but to drop everything, get changed and take her in myself. This I did. And because she was so utterly pissed off from having missed her Dad so much and this disappointment, she decided to kick at me repeatedly for not being him. Great beginning to a crapful day (at one point during which I wondered what the point of having families was) but praise be, that was THE END of OMGWTF Week.

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Dear Baby G

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Michelle March 25, 2012 at 4:45 am

Boris and the Bunny. I love! Thank god that week is now in the past, never to be repeated #hopefully
Michelle x

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Dear Baby G March 24, 2012 at 5:04 pm

I hope you treated yourself to a lovely bottle of vino because after the week you had you most definitely deserved it! x Sucks to be Boris ha 🙂

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Denyse Whelan March 23, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Do you know how much I look forward to hearing about your life? A lot! Loved that recount too. This is why you blog, because in about 5 or so years those beautiful offspring of yours will enjoy ( or endure) these posts… Love the family tales. Denyse x

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