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I’m Starting A Charity- Please Give Your Support. Briefs.

by Twitchy on December 13, 2012

Hair, check.
Make-up, check.
Designer jewels, check.
Designer dress, check.
Designer clutch, check.
Designer shoes, check.
All covered.

Except perhaps the UNDERWEAR department. Small detail. Yet, believe it or not, still quite important. So why is it that so many starlets are forgetting…is this a Hollywood group dare?

While I really don’t like this subject, I still write about it because it must stop. How can we, as a society, help these poor misguided creatures? I thought it was all over for a while after the likes of serial offenders Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears, Katie ‘Jordan’ Price, Carmen Electra, Miley Cyrus, (even J Lo and Beyonce reportedly) all made their public, (or is that pubic?) faux pas… So. Yesterday.

“I like to scare myself with my work.” No kidding. Anne Hathaway faces questioning by the questionable Matt Lauer on the Today Show.

That’s not what’s meant by ‘getting papped’. You’re not at the gyno’s office- so keep your knickers on, Pet? When Coco Chanel famously advised: “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off”, I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean your undies. Ladies, if VPL ruining your couture silhouette is the issue, surely there are options? G-string/thong, ‘panty brief’ stockings… something. Please.

I understand this strategy for desperate Hollywood hopefuls, like those tragic folk “leaking” their own “s.e.x tapes”… It’s just that now someone I’d expect to know so much better has fallen victim to the “upskirt shot” gallery: Anne Hathaway. (At the Les Miserables New York premiere.)

I’m disturbed. What were you thinking girl?! You’re so above this. I admire you. You’ve got huge talent, a great career, a strong level of intelligence and yet you failed dismally in the celebrity automobile dismount. Hollywood 101! But still- what would Nanna say? Presumably she never leaves home without her bloomers- if she didn’t, she’d likely have a great excuse, LIKE DEMENTIA. What’s yours, I do wonder?

Now Matt Lauer has deplorably put you on the spot on national television. You did the best you could under the circumstances with a great segue, and I feel your devastation. YES I deplore and detest parasitic paparazzi and their low-life ilk. But celebrity twat is their bread and butter. They lie in wait for that money shot. They’ll never stop, so I’m preaching prevention. When I pop out of the house I may forget my phone, my wallet, my sunglasses, my children or to lock the front door, but never my smalls, despite the fact no one is stalking me.

LA ladies who inexplicably can’t afford, or forget, or choose not to cover their asses need our help. I’m a benevolent soul. It must be time to start an underwear drive and awareness campaign. I still don’t know what I’d call the charity itself, perhaps the Sharon Stone Commando Drive. The tagline might be “Give or they may show”.

Unless you’re turning up to the Annual Porn Awards, there really is no excuse. Lady gardens are all very well and good and I assign them no shame- but gardens do belong at home, not the Red Carpet. I don’t want to see the colour of your carpet, or whether or not you have a hall runner. Cover those vulvas, girls. And everyone else, please give generously, I implore you- it’s an epidemic. The humble pudendum deserves some education and shelter this Christmas.

Do you agree there’s a need for this cause? What would you name this charity programme?

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