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Change is hard. Even with new tap shoes.

by Twitchy on February 5, 2013

Two weeks ago I decided to woman up and share what’s been on my mind and upsetting me for a while. The reason I did was because it really is time to unburden myself from my inner load. The only thing I hadn’t done about it was get it out in a post.

I tend to not ‘emo post’; seemingly preferring to internalise everything and hope it resolves itself. I don’t like dumping my sads- it makes me uncomfortable: Will people relate, or be put off if I’m not being witty or humorous this week? RUN! RUN from the despondent woman!! I don’t mind it from others. Most of the time I just deal with things alone. The stunning irony was that the day I did post, my site host had a technofail and my comments function died. HA! Sit and deal with your own stuff (again), because the crickets are chirping!

Last week my kids went back to school. I returned from our first school drop off in weeks, to a Facebook invitation to join my High School Class 25th Reunion group. What?? Didn’t we just have the 20th not that long ago? Besides, I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up. Meanwhile, my children keep doing just that at rapid pace to mock me and I can’t believe it. How rude!

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“Don’t be in a hurry”, I tell my small girl child. We snuggled in her bed the night before school. She hugged me and hugged me and told me I was “the best Mum in the Universe”. (Lovely, it’s true- but as she only has one, another day I’ll be the worst as well.) I told her that one day, she wouldn’t like me this close; one day, she’ll prefer to be independent, or be with her friends. (More to prepare me than her, I’ll admit.)
“Aaw Mummy. If I forget- will you please remind me?”
*Sniff.* She’s been so sweet lately. Why does it feel like I’m watching my own future past sometimes? I’m taking snapshots in my mind.

On Saturday, Miss 6 was due to resume dance class but we spent half the lesson trying to convince her to join, before I gave up.
“This is the WORST DAY EVER!” she yelled in the full waiting room. “I have a different teacher and a different class, and I’m not going in until my teacher and my old friends come back!”
A darling toddler saw her distress and offered her a book and a soft toy. She glowered. We left.

Change is hard. It’s hard to let go of the idea that we can’t control everything the way we’d like. Even with brand new tap shoes, and no matter how big we get.

But it’s alright. I have optimism for 2013. I may not have clawed my way fully out of my hidey hole but I’m getting there. I’ve put my hand up for things I’d normally sit back and let smarter people grab with both hands.

I have a new blog host (I could control that), the site is running so much better now. I’ll return to regular posting and do a makeover next. I began a weekly meditation course last week and I did not cause a power failure with my clusterfuck aura. I attended a beautiful little birthday gathering, felt comfortable and happy, met some lovely new people, even dressed up and wore a hat. I’m tackling a few situations that were just too difficult before; (the few I can do something about). I’m slowly being rewarded. It gets better from here. It gets better now.

Linking with Essentially Jess for IBOT.

{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }

Rita February 7, 2013 at 1:37 pm

I try to not do emotional post too. I try to calm down before posting. Change is hard indeed but change is good too I think.

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nikki February 7, 2013 at 12:47 pm

ah. Nemo has also been very interested in taking up tap dancing and i would have loved it for him, but the next dance school is not around the corner and i simply can’t afford it right now..
i hope she finds back into it soon!
i am only back to reading blogs but this did not strike me as overly emo.
will be back for more. =)

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Twitchy February 7, 2013 at 1:00 pm

Thanks Nikki, I’ve yet to see a little boy at the dance school- perhaps all that pink is like Kryptonite?
The ‘emo post’ reference was more about the post from 2 weeks before, when I really did let a lot out :)

Janet@TheCatOnMyHead February 7, 2013 at 9:10 am

Thank you for stopping by our blog. We love making new friends. Mom wanted us to tell you not to worry about not knowing what you want to be when you grow up. She graduated from high school 45 years ago and she still doesn’t know. She says it has given her the opportunity to try all sorts of different things! Purrs and hugs from the kitties at http://www.thecatonmyhead.com, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Josette

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Veronica @ Mixed Gems February 6, 2013 at 11:26 pm

Mmmm. Change isn’t easy. It’s painful, emotional, challenging. Yet I must admit I feel that it is what life is about. I always feel a work in progress and feel that unless I am trying to change, I’m not really living. Having said that, I do wish the children would stop growing up, that I’d stop getting older, that the waist would stop expanding, etc. but some things are more possible than others to change (I think that last one is one I should change!). Visiting via IBOT.

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Twitchy February 7, 2013 at 9:24 am

:) yes, change would be a whole lot better prospect if we could only decide its nature, rate and frequency, right? ;) Thanks for coming by Veronica.

Karen February 5, 2013 at 10:33 pm

Sometimes I think most adults would like to have a public emotional outburst in regards to change!! It can be hard on us all!! I’m learning to embrace it!! x Karen

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Kirsty @ My Home Truths February 5, 2013 at 10:13 pm

I can handle change well but my kids can’t. As a result I’ve become a bit change-adverse in a way with the never-ending battles and struggles just to get through the smallest changes every day. Good on you for taking charge and making some positive changes this year – I hope 2013 rocks for you and your family!

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Grace February 5, 2013 at 7:26 pm

The twinlets are in the routine of giving us big hugs and kisses before going to bed. I savour every moment. I shower them with kisses and wish it would all last forever.
I get what you mean about internalising stuff. But you know, we’re all here for you, just incase. x

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Twitchy February 5, 2013 at 7:31 pm

Thank you dear Grace. I’ll be seeing you in March. We will hug :)

Aroha @ Colours of Sunset February 5, 2013 at 7:19 pm

change is really hard, but I often find it’s the lead-up to it that’s actually hard. The wondering what it will be like. It’s more of a fear of the unknown, than of “change” exactly. Ahh well, the sun rises again the next day, and the next. We adjust – do whatever we need to, even faking it til we make it! one day at a time!

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Twitchy February 5, 2013 at 7:33 pm

Most of the time, yes. But when you have major life things on hold long term, it affects you over time so that you get a bit cynical. I’m over that, looking forward to more wins on the board. Small things along the way do give me joy though, as you can see :)

workingwomenaus February 5, 2013 at 5:27 pm

I am really amazed at how much I get out of meditation – did you like it?

It really helps to settle and soothe me. I hope it helps to calm some of your inner tornado too xx

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Twitchy February 5, 2013 at 6:14 pm

Inner tornado! Love that description- exactly. Only one week down, I know it has cumulative benefits, so ask me in a month :)

Kim @ FallingFaceFirst February 5, 2013 at 4:40 pm

Positivity! I love it. Change doesn’t seem to get any easier whether you’re 6 or 36, does it? We just get better at pretending. x

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Me February 5, 2013 at 4:32 pm

It can be hard to accept but then sometime along the way, it happens, and you realise that you can actually deal with it.
It would be my 30th school reunion this year – thankfully I live in a different country now so no chance of me going !!!!
Sending lots of hugs and positive energy your way – have the best Tuesday !
Me

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EssentiallyJess February 5, 2013 at 4:04 pm

I get this. I really don’t like things changing at all. It’s something I’ve had to learn to live with I guess.
I hate to think that my girls won’t need me so much anymore.
So I won’t!!

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Lisa@RandomActsOfZen February 5, 2013 at 3:58 pm

I make my 9 year-old promise me that she’ll always want to hang out wih me, as much as I know she won’t always feel that way.
Good on you for trying new things, and great idea with the meditation x

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Josefa @always Josefa February 5, 2013 at 2:16 pm

Change is hard. (notice the full stop?) My whole teenage years I loathed change and it really played nasty tricks with my mind. Now I embrace change as the only way we can move forward.
Great post Twitchy!
Josefa from #teamIBOT

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Danielle February 5, 2013 at 1:41 pm

Seriously, Twitch, ol’ buddy, ol’ pal, if you can’t rant on your blog, where’s a girl to rant??
No one in my real life bloody listens to me, so this way is perfect!

Life really does fly by, and sometimes we all wonder what the hell it’s all about…..it’s just about living.
Doing our best. Rolling with the changes and rolling with the punches.
And loving. Lots a loving…..

I think you’re doing great xxx

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Lisa February 5, 2013 at 1:31 pm

Change prevents us from staying in limbo. I find it’s the anticipation and worrying about change that is worse than the actual event. Hope things pick up for you

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Emily @ Have a laugh on me February 5, 2013 at 1:22 pm

I reckon releasing the inner load is such a relief at times. But once you’ve put your heart out there it can be easy to regret it! The thought of my kids dealing with change and not liking a teacher or having their kids freaks me out also. Love this post :)

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Janet February 5, 2013 at 11:28 am

I have my 30th reunion at the end of the year! Still undecided about going … like you said, the 20th was only yesterday, wasn’t it?!

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Twitchy February 5, 2013 at 11:39 am

Yes it was! And my 30th (what??!) is probably only a few weeks after the 25th.

Eleise February 5, 2013 at 11:15 am

Wow 25th reunion that is huge! It is my birthday next week and I keep thinking I am in my 20’s. Good on you for the change and taking charge! May 2013 be awesome for you!

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Twitchy February 5, 2013 at 11:30 am

The 20th was not bad, however not nearly long enough ago!! Happy birthday for next week :)

Seana Smith February 5, 2013 at 10:47 am

Hello, I usually enjoy seeing my teens being independent. But they still need their mum, and my eldest had a heart to heart in his own way and I’m beside myself for him. How good that he talked to me though.

As a person in the midst of what feel like big changes in life… I’m with you! And it is getting better, I know I have to lie low and do less and see how things work out. They will work out.

take it easy and well done on the new host and bloggy thoughts of change too.

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Twitchy February 5, 2013 at 11:29 am

Yes, I do feel grateful when Mr13 updates me, but I feel I’ll be looking after him much longer yet. This morning I convinced him to stow his copy of “Quidditch Through the Ages” in his bag as he entered school. Kids can be so nasty.

Ai Sakura February 5, 2013 at 10:05 am

Yes, the only way to go from the bottom is up. Hope things continue to get better for you!

Ai @ Sakura Haruka

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Twitchy February 5, 2013 at 11:26 am

True! Thank you

carmen February 5, 2013 at 10:04 am

Yes…I was wondering about that 25 year reunion myself (a different one I’m sure!) but I’m not a school reunion type. I’ve stayed in contact with many of those I attended school with…one of the joys of growing up in a small town.
As for change… *hand up* there is always going to be a period of adjustment… Mine just might be 40 odd years long so far. ;) xx

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Twitchy February 5, 2013 at 11:25 am

Word, baby. Word.

Rachel from Redcliffe Style February 5, 2013 at 9:24 am

It certainly sounds like you are taking charge. Rachel xx

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Twitchy February 5, 2013 at 11:25 am

It slowly is feeling like it Rachel, thank you.

Rhianna February 5, 2013 at 8:46 am

Best post. I am a bit anti change sometimes, I know it is needed and all that but honestly some days it just scares the crap out of me and I want to hide under a blanker forever and a day. Fairy wishes ands butterfly kisses lovely

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Twitchy February 5, 2013 at 11:24 am

I really appreciate your saying that and relating Rhianna. My covers and I are well acquainted on the tougher days. xx

iSophie February 5, 2013 at 7:17 am

My boys tell me they are never going to move out, they are going to live with Mummy forever! I should get that in writing…

Change is hard for a 6 year old who had it set in her mind what it was ‘meant’ to be like.

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Twitchy February 5, 2013 at 11:22 am

Oh they are so sweet. Film them! Save it for the 21sts… though they probably still will be then :)

Zanni, Heart Mama February 5, 2013 at 7:14 am

Love and hugs to you. Xx

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Twitchy February 5, 2013 at 11:21 am

Thanks, Zanni :)

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