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Parental Initiations

by Twitchy on April 30, 2013

If the poem says “They f*ck you up, your Mum and Dad”…well I don’t reckon kids just sit around polishing their halos, either. This gig aint for the faint hearted, nor the weak of stomach. Even if you’re not good at finding your intestinal fortitude under pressure, they’ll put you through boot camp, alright.

Like the time my high-speed son broke his leg at his third birthday…directing the festivities on over to hospital. Not my idea of a progressive party at all.

Cradling my boy (by then completely slumped with exhaustion), I gasped as the doctor flicked on the lightbox. Without a word I saw the dark, narrow ribbon wrapped around a white sapling. I cried. The x-ray confirmed a spiral fracture running from below the knee, to above the ankle. My poor baby. He was placed in a cast from hip to heel, which made toilet training and washing a mighty treat, I can tell you. But they bounce back quickly, they do.

To cheer him up we decorated his cast with a mountain scene. I drew him a proper scale, winding train track along it so he could run his beloved wooden toy trains up and down his leg all day. Within days he’d worked out how to zoom around backward on his derriere, leaving a chalky trail on the floorboards. So much for slowing down, huh? He’s forgotten it all, but I never will. ( I caught him trying to jump onto the trampoline from the garage roof the other day, so not much has changed.)


What do these buttons do?

Anzac Day was another such delight. This time the girl’s turn. After patriotically marking the occasion by trying to kill each other all morning, I’d had it and sent my two to opposite ends of the house. There was blessed peace for all of five minutes before yet further screaming rang out from the backyard.

“What now?!?” I looked at my husband. We’d not had 15 minutes of peace yet.

I followed the sound of screams to find my daughter on her back on the grass, clutching her head. Then I saw the blood: through her hair and on her hands, trickles and drops running onto her clothes. Luckily, most of it was unseen by her as it came from the top of her head and splotched down her back. I quickly scooped her up, thankful for the screaming and ran to the bathroom, sagely uttering FUCK FUCK FUCK while holding my crying, bleeding six year old.

She’d illegally swung on her dad’s punching bag, her dismount a disaster. Fearing cranial trauma from her impact, I told my husband to call an ambulance but I’m glad he hesitated; blood from the head travels fast. We cleaned her up, found a six centimetre straight cut in her scalp, iced her and raced to Emergency.

Mercifully, concerns of skull damage were soon ruled out. Ultimately she only required a cleaning up and skin glue. (And a tray of sandwiches, jelly and icecream. And a wheelchair ride. And a handsome Paediatric doctor. And a listen to her own heart with his stethoscope. And the next day off school just in case.)

We were so lucky. Nevertheless my strict detox went out the window that night, as a vodka was once again my friend in post traumatic stress.

Child rearing earns you your stripes it does. This week I earned my badge in Blood, and when I’ve fully recovered, I’ll put it in the family album for posterity.

Feel free to share your stories too, but please be gentle?

Linking with Essentially Jess for IBOT


{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }

Grace May 6, 2013 at 2:11 pm

There comes a time when you just have to say, “F*ck it! Give me the vodka!” I would’ve even been understanding if you had the whole bottle.
Kids man, they’re out to kill us with high blood pressure and heart attacks.


Tahlia - the parenting files May 3, 2013 at 10:06 pm

Yep… Kids! They give us an extra grey hair on a daily basis. Ps. Lovely meeting you today in person xoxo


Me May 3, 2013 at 1:52 pm

So glad all OK in the end – children ……… sometimes I think they will be the death of their parents !!!
Are you back detoxing yet ?????
Have the best day !


Becky from BeckyandJames.com May 1, 2013 at 8:43 pm

You poor thing. I can’t handle the blood, at all. I freak out and carry on a little and we’ve not had too much serious blood. You certainly earned your vodka!


Twitchy May 2, 2013 at 9:59 pm

Thank you. I feel less guilt now 🙂

Kate May 1, 2013 at 8:21 pm

Wow thats intense! Sounds really freaking! Ah the delights of having children! Though studying to be a nurse I should probably get used to things like that! Go you for surviving the week and you have definitely earned your stripes!


Twitchy May 2, 2013 at 10:00 pm

I could never study to be a nurse! I learnt soon enough I’d never make it as a vet. Crushed.

Kylez @ A Study in Contradictions May 1, 2013 at 2:37 pm

I haven’t earned my badge in major blood yet, or broken bones. Really hope I don’t have to, but being that Punky is such a daredevil and her father’s daughter after all, I’m sure its just a matter of time! I did however earn my ‘major sickness’ badge this week, complete with antibiotics and trips to emergency, although of course the emergency room trip was for her Dad, who just had to get in on the act and up the ante by getting a lung infection!


Twitchy May 2, 2013 at 10:06 pm

Ouch, another emergency visitor. But how lucky are we that we can access that help when we need it? I hope he’s better now.

Robyn (Mrs D) April 30, 2013 at 7:17 pm

Oh god I don’t know whether to laugh or cry reading this!! You poor thing, I think you must officially have nerves of steel! I don’t know how I have escaped it so far with three kids, really I don’t – but so far I’ve have no blood or broken bones!! However a few years ago Hubby had a shaving mirror (stuck onto the shower door with one of those rubber sucker things) and it fell down and broke when he was in the shower. He tried to catch it and almost slashed his thumb right off – I was next to useless (first sight of all the blood and I almost passed out) and I had to phone my mum (who lived around the corner then) to come and deal with it. I did managed to help him get dressed first though, lol!!


Twitchy May 2, 2013 at 10:27 pm

Eek. Eeeeek. Eeeeeeek! I would not have handled that at ALL! PLEASE laugh at ours now.

Rachel @ The Kids Are All Right April 30, 2013 at 6:14 pm

We’ve had several trips to the hospital in the past 5 years with both my little girls – generally receiving hard knocks to the head, and one quite serious burn. And there’ve been so many other close calls. People say boys are worse than girls but I really wonder with my two. No amount of vodka can make up for the hours lost in emergency, but it sure does help.


Twitchy May 2, 2013 at 10:29 pm

Oh that’s not good. It’s true, they do say that about boys. But one lady I know has twin 11/12 year old girls who have certainly given her a run for her money recently with serious close calls and hospital.

Bachelormum April 30, 2013 at 5:03 pm

I’ve escaped most of that by having one little girl – I just cop a lit of attitude instead.


Twitchy May 2, 2013 at 10:31 pm

Here’s to a clean record 🙂

EssentiallyJess April 30, 2013 at 2:31 pm

What amazes me, is that usually they do these injuries so randomly! When BJ was 20months, he dropped a chair on his toe and sliced it right open. The doctors said if it had been one millimetre further over, he would have needed surgery to correct the nail placement. Kids!!!!


Twitchy May 2, 2013 at 10:31 pm

Yikes. And I saw that phone screen shot while you were at work too- so he’s spilt some blood recently too. Tell him to STOP!

Rhianna April 30, 2013 at 2:29 pm

Oh gosh Twitchy! Don’t blame you for making vodka your friend that night. I would have as well. Glad she is ok and that you got a spunky doc!


Twitchy May 2, 2013 at 10:07 pm

It’s the secret to a speedier recovery. Vodka for the mother and a handsome doc for the patient!

Leigh April 30, 2013 at 2:02 pm

I ran to my then 3 year old son, the quiet one….. who had smashed the front of his face on a brick while riding his bike. Worst time of my mothering life! Best of all was the amount of times I had to tell hospital staff that no, he was not wearing a helmet, as I didnt insist! *bad mumma…… BIG HUGS xxxx


Twitchy May 2, 2013 at 10:08 pm

Oh no! We got questions too, but my girl was shy so I just sat there for a while, assuming they wanted her version of the events :O

Rachel _The VI Blog April 30, 2013 at 1:34 pm

My oldest thinks he is Evil Kenevil – always jumping off things or climbing things with no sense of fear at all! They definitely test you don’t they – your patience and your nerves!!

I’m still jealous you got a spunky doctor – when my Mr 5 did a similar number on his skull all I had to show for it was a very blood-stained shirt!


Twitchy May 2, 2013 at 10:09 pm

Oh Rachel, I’m sorry. We’ve thrown out that top. But we also have a photo to remember Nice Doctor by. It’s actually really cute, she’s giggling.

Josefa @always Josefa April 30, 2013 at 11:46 am

They may bounce back – back do we???
I’m so glad your little lady is ok and you guys handled it so quickly.
We have only had one incident of blood and stitches – hopefully it stays that way for quite some time xx


Twitchy May 2, 2013 at 10:10 pm

Touch wood *knocks head*. I definitely bounce better with a vodka! They’ve been few and far between of late.

Lisa@RandomActsOfZen April 30, 2013 at 9:47 am

Oh hun, I hope you had much more than just one vodka!!
Glad your little possum’s OK, but your story of jumping off the garage onto the tramp made me shudder!
We really do need eyes in the back of our head eh? x


Twitchy May 2, 2013 at 10:11 pm

Can you believe it? I thought those days were over. He got a serious yelling to and then he tried it again a week later! Insanity.

Yvette @ Little Bento Blog April 30, 2013 at 9:30 am

oh dear!!! I cracked my head open when I was 7 on the corner of a door as my sister dropped me after a tickling match. Really all I remember is the red stains on my favourite yellow hong kong tshirt and some of the car ride to the hospital.

My daughter is a bit of a thrill seeker, but so far no serious injuries..


Twitchy May 2, 2013 at 10:12 pm

Oh you must’ve given everyone a fright! Do you still milk it with said sister?

Ai Sakura April 30, 2013 at 9:06 am

I would be so freaked out! So glad she’s ok now and well done to you and hubs for keeping calm during thr whoe episode.


Twitchy May 2, 2013 at 10:13 pm

You know what? I count my blessings it was a public holiday. That meant my husband was home, so there were two of us, and the hospital was a bit quieter than usual.

Aroha @ Colours of Sunset April 30, 2013 at 9:03 am

Oh no! There’s nothing much scarier than finding your child bleeding from the head. We’ve been there, done that, spent a good 5 hours in hospital while his minor cut was glued shut, holding his brains in! “Mummy, I don’t want my brains to fall out” would probably be much cuter if it wasn’t 3 am and you were in hospital! Glad there was no major damage to your baby. I’d be having a stiff one after that, too!


Twitchy May 2, 2013 at 10:14 pm

It shouldn’t have, but that made me laugh out loud. I hope there was some sort of nerve relaxer waiting for you after that too!!

Oculus Mundi April 30, 2013 at 8:40 am

So scary! Very glad she was ok!


Twitchy May 2, 2013 at 10:14 pm

Thank you! So are we!

Lydia C. Lee April 30, 2013 at 7:18 am

Head injuries are the worst. So much blood – ick!
I rescued a drowning kid at a pool party (fortunately I was watching my 2 year old bob about, as the rest of the parents were inside…) and I’ll admit it’s made me totally paranoid about kids in water – there’s that brief moment where you aren’t sure if they’re just mucking about or it’s a problem…(I’ve also picked up a strange kid at a public pool by his pants, and we were then both embarrassed when we realised he was just pretending…)


Twitchy May 2, 2013 at 10:17 pm

Oh my goodness when I first read that I shivered-lucky kid. Sorry but if my kid was at a pool party I’d expect an adult or two to be on roster at all times- I’d be paranoid too. Jokes like pretending to be in trouble are never funny.

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