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Ass Buckle

by Twitchy on August 12, 2014

Ever wished you could just change buttocks whenever it took your fancy?

Well why the heck not- we want everything nowadays. Why be stuck with what your mama gave you when you could have a full suite of sweet arse?

You’d have a brand new bottom collection in your wardrobe and accessorise according to outfit or whim. Just like hats. Arse hats.

Demure and petite, The Kylie. Up high and perky? The Ballerina. Manliest in Levis? The Boss. Finally get that derriere you’ve dreamed of. You “like big butts and you cannot lie”? Buy some Back to Stack. Or a Kimmy K.

Fellas: concerned about a flat, lacklustre behind? Make a statement. Here we have The Gluteman, aka Buns of Steel. Get your desired piece of ass.

But how would you attach them? How could you feel secure? What happens in the case of an unfortunate LMAO incident? (Anyone who’s laughed their ass right off knows just how embarrassing and inconvenient this can be.)

Don’t worry, it’s doesn’t have to be expensive; in fact you can even economise. I only found these today in a thrift shop and felt it my duty to share:


And at only $2, a bargain.

{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Robo August 16, 2014 at 8:51 pm

Ass Buckles in flight! Afternoon delight!
Ass Buckles made me think of this song… I don’t know…
I’d switch asses in a New York minute, my friend! One Cameron Diaz please!
Thanks for the laugh πŸ˜‰


Twitchy August 20, 2014 at 9:48 pm

I still have earworm!

Winnie @ Bubfriendly August 13, 2014 at 1:04 am

LOL! Love it!!! Thanks for bringing a smile to our day! πŸ™‚


Tegan August 12, 2014 at 10:37 pm

Love it!
Can I get an ass buckle to just hold up my current one? I’m happish with the size, but I’d love it to be a bit more perky!


ann August 12, 2014 at 8:55 pm

Just laughed and snorted!! Loved it!!


Renee Wilson August 12, 2014 at 7:40 pm

Lol. Awesome! I’d like to purchase one of those ass buckles for $2 thanks. I’ll be using it to attach my perky Kylie butt πŸ™‚ I wonder how much boob buckles are going for? #teamIBOT


Twitchy August 12, 2014 at 9:49 pm

If I ever see any boob buckles, I’ll be SURE to let you know!

Aroha @ Colours of Sunset August 12, 2014 at 5:03 pm

It’s just so much fun to say. Ass buckle Ass buckle Ass buckle Ass buckle. πŸ™‚


Twitchy August 12, 2014 at 9:48 pm

Isn’t it?! What A great new insult. I’ve been running out of things to say in the car when driving with the kids in tow. Will have to use it next time someone pisses me off!

EssentiallyJess August 12, 2014 at 2:54 pm

This was awesome Twitchy. I was wondering how you were going to write it, and this was better than anything I could have imagined.
As for a butt, I’m pretty happy with mine. My thighs could use a little help though…


Josefa @always Josefa August 12, 2014 at 2:19 pm

Maybe not so much less bum, but one that wasn’t so wobbly πŸ˜‰


Hugzilla August 12, 2014 at 1:46 pm

BAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA! I’ve seen your cryptic posts on social media about Ass Buckles today and I couldn’t wait to see what the heck this was going to be about. I am literally sitting here laughing at that jar of Ass Buckles. And PS, I’d go the J-Lo I think.


Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me August 12, 2014 at 1:15 pm

Ha ha well done, great post, I knew you could ace it! I’d like more bum and less tum, it ain’t gonna happen though πŸ™


Twitchy August 12, 2014 at 4:18 pm

If only we could get parts to cooperate and migrate. I know a few who wish they could borrow from butt to pay chest x

Chantel August 12, 2014 at 1:04 pm

I gawked into my coffee yesterday when i saw this πŸ™‚ People really need to watch how they write things. The penis mightier than the sword πŸ™‚


Lydia C. Lee August 12, 2014 at 10:09 am

I’d take a small one – I’d take a whole new body too, while I was at it…


look_backward August 12, 2014 at 8:07 am

Nothing like a cheeky post to start your morning with.


Twitchy August 12, 2014 at 4:18 pm

Nicely put, thank you.

Jess - Peachy Keen Mumma August 12, 2014 at 6:58 am

It’s me and 4 sisters. We have small boobies and Big Butts. OK, we don’t all have boobies that are that small but in proportion to our butts – YIKES! My sister married a man who loves big bottomed girls. I don’t think I did (husband, care to comment now, no?). My last name used to be Morris until my friend in high school turned it into More-ASS. Good thing I had the option of taking my husband’s name later on. Phew. Ass buckle for smaller bum please.


Twitchy August 12, 2014 at 4:20 pm

More-Ass? Nice “friend”! Nice to meet you Jess. Sending ass buckles, stat!

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