Wisdom: The things in life you regret most are the ones you never did. A truth that resonates with me enormously.
Confession: I was born a creative, musical type but also an anxious one, conundrum. I love participating; hate the idea of being watched. I love nothing better than live music shows but crowds make me so edgy, I sit out.
Difficulty factor: I’ve skillfully handed this genetic baton directly to my otherwise triple-threat, seven-year old daughter. Our home-brand see-saw of counter energies is a major problem for her.
Hard enough is watching your child struggle; harder again knowing from where the difficulty has come.
At Saturday dance class again she froze. Pairs of happy parental eyes looked on from beyond the glass. Stiff as a statue, she wouldn’t join. “My tummy has the bad butterflies, Mummy…” She clung with dread. I hugged her, whispered in her ear, “Dance them away, Bub. Dance them away.” Eventually she did, challenge accepted. Other times we’ve had to go home but thankfully not that day.
Saturday night, we attended a fundraiser. I was honoured to receive a second invitation for that evening, one that excited and challenged my every nerve, yet I reserved the right to decide flight or flight until the last moment.
I love this dress and sharing vintage dresses generally but I hate selfies. I don’t mind at all when other people do it but I never feel comfortable. Challenge accepted. Plus, bathroom breathing diversion. Outside, the hall was bigger and throbbed with many more attendees than I’d imagined.
Next, the auction results. I was lucky enough to win both the items I bid on. A sign of things going well tonight?
Rebecca Barnard and Billy Miller did their highly infectious old-school thing and as the band rocked hard, the crowd cut loose and danced. I envied their carefree lightheartedness (how dare they). My knot tightened, I trembled on the inside. The bad butterflies rose within me and I was angry with them but I remembered my girl. I need to walk the walk. I can’t expect her to do something I won’t.
The last three songs. My name is called…challenge accepted. I skipped up those stairs and shape-shifted into band member, no rehearsal. We harmonised, we twisted, we rocked out so seamlessly no one would have known a thing about my doubts.
I headed home proud of myself, of my example to my daughter and ecstatic I did not go home regretful. I’d cast aside thoughts of what others might think. I did not flee from happiness.
Sweetest icing on my cake? I made a friend who wants me back for the whole gig next year. Thank you Rebecca (and Billy) for letting me play; to my Twitchette for making me accountable; and thank you Purple Velvet, for your magical boost of confidence.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Firstly, I love that dress, and you look great in it.
Secondly, I’m so glad you did this! It wouldn’t have felt half as sweet if you didn’t have to fight the fear to do so either.
What a fantastic post! Good on you. Good. On. You. I want details of that big – I’ll be your first groupie! (In the crazy fan chanting your name kind of way. I won’t be waiting for you in the hotel room.)
(gig, not big)
Emily you are adorable xx We shall talk.
Go you girlfriend! That woulda taken megaballs! Or mega vodka!?!?
A glass or two if vino, a breathe and quick chat with Rebecca outside during the auctions, one good hard look in the mirror at the chick I had to answer to and one purple velvet dress with attitude
x
This rocks – good for you! This whole year I’ve made a deliberate decision to say “yes” to things I would normally say “no” to and to step outside my comfort zone and bloody oath, good shit happens. Scary shit, but good!
I applaud you, Hugz. This whole thing is like fitness- the more you keep it up and keep pushing past the discomfort, the easier it gets. But getting there… Xx
That is totally awesome, I can’t sing for peanuts! xx N
And I did it for no treats at all
Good on you! I loved your, “Dance them away, Bub!” encouragement. That was simply beautiful. Sometimes you just have to DO IT, regardless and in spite of how you’re feeling.
My son has heard me say quite a few times: “The only way out is through”- the thing is you have to back the theory up with practise.
Oh how wonderful for you to get up there. It made my heart swell to hear you sing when you shared that little clip. It is amazing the things that we can push ourselves to do when it comes to being a role model for our children isn’t it? Sending lots of fairy wishes and butterfly kisses your way lovely lady
Yes, our children are our constant reminders of our own actions, keeping us on our toes. Thanks Rhianna x
Good on you! This is massive. Isn’t it strange that you can be so terrified of doing something, but want to do it so bad? It must have been such an amazing feeling to conquer your fears. I see a lot of me in my daughter too and I try as much as I can to model the way for her just as you have done with yours. #teamIBOT
I read your post today about fears of the Problogger conference- you did the same thing and pushed on regardless, to be happy you did. Well done you!
My goodness that is awesome, I’m not sure I would have been so brave, well done lovely, a big achievement for you! That dress is lovely and I’m glad you rocked it! x
Don’t believe you! You look like you take on the world at large Emily!